| A year from today... |
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| 01:19am 25/12/2008 |
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I never thought I would be so happy. I never knew a dream could come true. I never knew I was able to be as happy as I am. This is it, she is the one.... |
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| Leave a comment and I will.... |
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| 08:50pm 08/09/2008 |
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1 - Tell you why I friended you.
2 - Associate you with a song/film.
3 - Tell a random fact about you.
4 - Tell a first memory about you.
5 - Associate you with a character/pairing.
6 - Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7 - Tell you my favorite user pic of yours [if it pertains].
8 - In retort, you must spread this disease in your journal. |
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| A good winter day. |
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| 01:31pm 22/02/2008 |
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I don't know how to start off, should I mention all of the beautiful snow or how I got all of my wisdom teeth pulled? Teeth first. So this morning at 9:30 sharp, I was at the surgeons office to get all 4 wisdom teeth pulled. Initially I wanted to go under local anesthesia but, after he mentioned if I did, I would only be able to get two extracted then have to make another appointment for the other two. Yeah, that was NOT going to happen. They numbed my mouth and all four were out within 5 minutes. I was a champ! Afterwards he said, I wouldn't need any pain killers for the pain, I would only need motrin. I mumbled in return, "I dont want to be in pain four hours from now." He then wrote me a prescription. Come on Doctor, I'm a tuffy, but really... this is some serious pain. So with yogurt, snow and netflix movies in my radius, Im ready to put some ice packs on my swollen face and watch License to Drive and Harold and Maude.
New music obsession... Black Mountain. Geez, this album is what rockin roll is all about. I know Kings of Leon and Cold War Kids have amazing rock albums, but I haven't heard anything like this since, Black Sabbath. When I first bought it, it was something I HAD to listen to everyday, now I can go once a week but, it still a must. Point of the story kids, it GOOD stuff. Oh, Katrina Ford... swoon. Love her. When I listen to Celebration, its something I have to JAM OUT to on my head phones. Drum and bass indie rock with a husky voice... I love me some Katrina. Early Next week Im making my way down to the music store to knock of some albums on my list. Stay tuned. |
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| 06:27pm 11/02/2008 |
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Im going to make her mine, because I love her so. I dont feel like a despicable person about it either. I know it might not sound like the best idea... steal someone away from their lover, but a lady has to do what a lady has to do.
Im not going to feel guilty about it either. |
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| after all, I am aquarius. |
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| 11:44pm 13/01/2008 |
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music: Barbra Streisand. the way we were.
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As my birthday is coming up right around the corner, Im debating whether or not to have a big soiree? Last year was the year I should have made a event of it, but I was more of in a mellow mood and just went to Prune with all of my lovelies. Marci and I, just realized we are two days apart and (she more than me) thought we could have a big 31 bash. Oy Vey.
I wake up every morning, more days than not, I go to the gym. As Im working out, I reflect on my life, make plans for the day or think about the night before and how I could have made it easier. Essentially, I know who I am, I know my flaws, I know my strong points, Im not fully certain, but for the most part I know what I want out of life and what Im able to give in return. I know that Im really good at pushing people out of my life with out reason or cause. I have serious issues with space and commitment. I'm very selective so, I know I make people feel genuinely loved. I know that people are comfortable with me and feel accepted. I know people like me because Im honest and look at them straight in their eyes. I KNOW my traits, I just need to balance them out.
While I was in NM I bought Barbra Streisand, essential collection and I CANT get enough of it!
I made the most delicious sauerkraut! I poured Cava in it, so the acidity is remarkable. Only one more week and the sixth week is up. Pastrami and sauerkraut for all!
Every Monday, Va and I meet at the corner and get coffee at our local shop. The past few Mondays Ive not been in town, working or crazy busy so we havent seen each other in a while.... We miss each other like crazy!!! Tomorrow will be our day. |
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| bright blue sky. |
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| 03:32pm 10/01/2008 |
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As I sit here in Denvers airport going back home to NYC from New Mexico, I feel heart broken. While I was in Albuquerque, I seen my family dog, Nala, get put down of old age. I seen both of my parent getting older and wanting me to move back. I seen my Aunt being defeated by cancer, a younger cousin, with a heart of gold turning into a beautiul young lady. A brother realizing life is not all fun and games. A best friend raising the most beautiful family. A dry hard land being revived... New Mexico touched me this time around.
NewYork is my home now. My job is hard. My life is revolving around work, so life isnt too easy. Spanish lessons are on there way. Friends are stable. My memory is getting worse, I cant remember anything for the life of me. Anxiety is riding high due to work. Im getting older and not really having any qualms with it. I want to lead a healthier life, I want so much. Im thinking I want a family, but first need to find a sweet lady to settle down with. Dating is difficult when leasure time is not available. I need to think about where I want to reside. The new year is going well thus far and I see it only getting better as time passes. |
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| Milagros. |
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| 01:02am 30/06/2007 |
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There are moments in time when my memory lapse, when I forgot how to I feel or should of felt. All within a simple sigh, a soft brush, a sweet glimpse or even a crack of a smile that will make me rush, only longing for more. If only you were able to move, to go, to fly, to fall, to know how deep my love is... to embrace, to ravish, like I do... I would, I would only for you.
Your eyes are perfect and to look into them leaves me tragically obsessed with the idea of true love. I know now what I shouldnt have known, which only leaves me only more confused. I too, know how hard love is, but that one joy, that joy makes my sacrifice worth while. When youre there, I know a magic that stars, the moon, the sky whisper secrets to. I know a moment that rains, that dawns and suns devour. I know a calm, a chaos, a close, a capture that would I die for. I bow, I go having that one joy, that one desire for you to fall. |
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| Concert season coming up. |
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| 10:23am 25/02/2007 |
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Ticketmaster totally rips you off!!! If I buy 3 tickets, I end up paying the same price for one ticket in sur-charges?!?!
So far I have tickets to see Pretty Girls Make Graves (last show), Blood Brothers with CELEBRATION, tv on the radio. I just seen Sonic Youth last week, dang! did they rock!!! I know Bjork is going on her rounds, although shes yet to make a list of her tour dates. I should goto Coachella and do all of these shows in one BANG!!! it's too late now, perhaps next year. I want bands to put up dates already... springs in the air. |
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| latent. |
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| 10:41pm 19/02/2007 |
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music: In fear and Faith... Circa Survive.
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I ditched work to spend more time with her today. We've been spending alot of time together lately. She's getting a divorce (not for me, but because he wants to). Im trying to be her friend, but things are getting more intimate. I dont think I can do this any more. I tell myself I love her, she tells me she loves me, but I cant, we cant. Nothing will ever come of it, I cant let it. |
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| 08:49pm 31/12/2006 |
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Today has the potential to be the worst ever. |
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| 10:38pm 17/12/2006 |
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And there she was, there watching me the entire time. I didnt mind it so much. Ive been so busy, I havent had time to pay attention to everyday life, to her. I keep telling myself, two more weeks... Ive been telling myself that for nearly 3 weeks already. Truly, 2 more weeks and then I can stop to breath. |
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| 10:25pm 12/12/2006 |
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I woke up to Fefe "the counter top queen", with a needle and thread in her throat! I told her all week she had a vet appointment today... Of course, she paid no attention. As soon as she see's the vet, what do you think she does? Attack!!! She gets sedated (her fault), then gets her check-up. I felt so bad for her, I cried. FIVE hours later she wakes up to walk around and eat, then gets back into bed. I could not imagine having a child if this is how I am with my kitty. Forgetaboutit. I laid with her for hours and cried. As it is, I make her a pousin(baby chicken) once a week and wont allow her to eat canned shit. I have a baby sitter for her when I work long hours, its getting ridiculous. I am so happy she feels better. My FefeLala. |
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| Eight days. |
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| 11:25am 10/12/2006 |
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Eight days can be a very long time. When I initially got the okay for the time off, I was so excited at the thought of visiting friends and Family that I made an eight day reservation to spend with them. The idea now... not so bueno. I can't imagine leaving Fefe with a baby sitter for that long, and honestly, I have so much shit out here that needs to be dealt with, I might have to change the reservation around. In positive thought, I cant wait to go fishing with my father in the freezing cold. I cant wait to see what age has done to the both of us. A baby will have been born that I get to meet. There are people I have not seen in years that I will get to see... I am happy to make my way back, even just for a little bit.
The new Rainer Maria reminds me of the the old Morrissey... its good. I bought Morrissey's cds and found myself reminiscing being 12-13-14, living in California. Being raised there didnt seem bad as a child, because I didnt know any better, but the thought of living there with a family now, yeah, I dont think I would do it. Keep in mind, this is me, living in Manhattan, paying an obscene amount of money for a tiny box... it all doesnt make sense.
Im off to make a vet. appointment for the Lala. |
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| 08:55am 23/10/2006 |
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mood:  accomplished music: Thom Yorke... Skip divided.
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After running into a friend yesterday at one of his restaurants, we fall into a conversation about old school cook vs. new cooks. While both sides are completely fucked up, were waiting for the "merge" to happen. Now here's the situation, take me for example,I work for a four star chef, Ive been there for over two years and he and I get along stunningly but, I live, think, breath work. I sacrifice my life now for my future. During the busy season, on average, I work 6 days a week and nothing less than 12 hours a day (usually more). I am whole heartedly dedicated to my chef and the food I make. Now lets review the new school cooks. They graduate culinary school and immediately want to a) make money b)become a celebrity chef or c)work a 9-5 at decent wage. The issue with the new cooks is, they have no concept of sacrifice. School spits them out and they think they are executive chefs. They have no trail and error mark to gage. Neither side are right. We need a compiling of the old school with the new school. I can see this work, Mario Batali is one of the only guys out there trying to merge this. He has a co-op of restaurants and for each new place opening he gives it to a sous chef that has been with him years. Its a win-win situation. Sure, Ive been with Grey for years and sure, he promised J and I the caribbean, but when is this actually going to occur? Am I going to have to stay with the guy for 2-3 more years? Oy Vey!
In my dysfunctional news, how am I able to push people away so easily? If I get brushed the wrong way by someone, I distance my self immediately. I do the whole passive aggressive stance. Ive gotten pretty damn good at it too, it really takes no effort at all. |
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| 09:57pm 27/05/2006 |
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it feels so good to finally be hot and sweating. It doesnt fully feel like summer, although to get some sun and warmth makes me feel new. This summer is going to be short, but Im going to make the most of it.
There is a situation Im really confused about in life. I have this friend who has been dear to me nearly longer than most friends in my life, and I feel like I hurt her. Years ago I lead her to not trust me, and although I genuinely asked her for her forgiveness and apologized, I dont think she'll ever trust me the way I would like her to. Nonetheless, I meet her good friend, whom she's smittened by, and have invited her NY to play with me for a couple of weeks. I have no intentions with her/our friend other than BEING friends... but she doesnt believe either of us. All I can say is nothing is going to happen, but ultimately it is up to her to believe us. Sadly all I can say is we going to hang out with one another regardless of jealousy issues, but I just wish we had the okay from the third friend... it make it that much easier.
What else is going on? Ive been going to tons of live shows and rocken out like no tomorrow... its a blast. ALso, it BBQ season so my friends and I have been smoking meat like no tomorrow....yummmmmmy brisket and pork shoulders.
Other than the usually ho-hum nyc stuff, life is spectacular per usual. |
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| 09:20am 23/04/2006 |
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mood:  rushed music: Rilo Kiley
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while being in the midst of spring, I have the most beautiful view from my bedroom window. As a matter of fact, I have the most spectacular view from work and the walk to get to the train is hardly ugly with all the historic brownstones. Its been raining for the past 24 hours and with the new colors out, it's the most romantic site ever.
For working an obscene amount of hours, I have to say, Im in a pretty good mood. What I have noticed though, is this sleep business is relative to how busy I am. A solid 5 hours of sleep is all I need when I work 12-14 hours a day. A couple days ago I slept 9 hours and woke up to feel like complete shit. It took me one red bull, two cups of coffee and a double portion of RockStar to finally work normal... I guess Im naturally cracked out.
Yesterday I over heard my co-worker blame living in the city for is lack of sociablity. Thats the most stupid thing Ive ever heard. Just because youre in a big city and walk by thousands of people a day with out speaking to one of them, doesnt mean the possibility isnt there to meet new people. Yes it might make you a little jaded, but not not social. If anything The city has made me more advanced because of living here.
I have to run. Im going to a brunch party and I have to make the biscuits and gravy.
ciao |
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| this guy named murphy. |
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| 09:47pm 25/03/2006 |
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So as Murphys Law lives strong, Ive had my own special visit to his land. Several weeks ago I was talking to a friend about how I havent burned my self in months... then two days later, I burn my fore arm (bad). A couple days before that I was talking to another friend about how Ive worked a monday through friday schedule... then that gets changed. And finally with another friend, I was talking about how the money has been so good and I think I'm finally o.k... well, I dont have to tell you how that went. Sometimes I think to myslef, why should I bother at all. Im reading this book on quatum physics and how every every in life is in direct correlation with one another and not just a coincidence... everything has changed... life shouldnt be a strife.
I can honestly say that I love my life more than Ive ever loved my life, but I always genuinely thought life (ever since I was young) should be easy... Everything should be simple-natural (not in a hippie sense). So as I enter the dirty thirty, I still have the same mentality... just add the Murphey's law equation into the cipher and Im all set.
Im going to L.A to attend my younger cousins wedding, Im getting a new computer, and Im going to tons of live shows this summer (all with the help of my mothers contribution), but I just have to wonder, where does all the good go?
As Im typing all of this, I'm thinking should I type this at all, only to jinx myself? |
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| 08:47pm 22/02/2006 |
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bjork... I love her. |
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| 09:14pm 08/02/2006 |
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mood:  giddy
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out of blue, Millie called me today. Granted it's my birthday and she was calling to say happy birthday, but I havent spoken to her in about a year. After the break up she was really mad at me, and even after seeing her a few time around the city she wouldnt even say hello. On her message she said that she knows we havent talked in awhile, and it was her fault, but she wants to talk again. She also said she going to be out of town this weekend but when she comes back she wants to hang out. I had the hardest time getting her out of life. I was so in love with her, I couldnt imagine my life without her, but she wasnt ready for completely loving me, so I had to let go. I dont know what she has in mind for us this time around but, If she just wants to be friedns, I dont think I can do that (yes I know, hypocrite). I am so confused about it all, I havent even returned her call (wait it out a bit, make her sweat). OMG, she makes me nervous at just a thought. Her beauty is perfection, her smile is radiant, her laugh is brilliant, Ive never stopped loving her, I just put her behind me. |
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sinderela's journal